From the care and counsel bible.

Written by Henry Cloud and John Townsend (Exodus 21:1-17)

Many people struggle with relationships in which there is irresponsibility, hurt and control. They don’t know how to handle conflict or even their own responsibilities.

Boundaries are like property lines. Just like a fence that shows where one yard ends and another begins. A boundary defines what belongs to us, and what belongs to others. Whenever we encounter words in the bible like truth justice righteousness honesty integrity and holiness we should pay attention. They describe some aspect of boundaries for Gods people. Boundaries are a tool that God uses ton serve three of his most important values, love respect and freedom.

Boundaries promote love

God is the essence of love John 4:16

God’s boundaries are very clear about what he loves and what he cannot abide.

For example, God loves righteousness and justice Psalms 33:5

His people 2 chronicles 2:11

And the world John 3:16

At the same time, He sets boundaries on his love and actually hates certain things. Proverbs 6:16-19; Zechariah 8:17

God enacts boundaries with his people to promote a loving relationship. He provides structures to teach people how to love and follow him. God gave the ten commandments for people’s wellbeing Exodus 20:1-17. He uses boundaries to make life safe enough for us to return his love.

Likewise, we are to use boundaries to promote love and connection with others. When people live within their god ordained boundaries, they can be safe and trusting with each other. As we walk in truth and righteousness and require that of others, love flourishes.

Boundaries define responsibility

Boundaries help people clarify how to take responsibility for their lives before God. They also help people understand the extent and limits of their responsibilities to others.

God is clear about his purpose and tasks. He creates and maintains the universe Genesis 1:1; Colossians 1:17, seeks and saves the lost Luke 19:10, and keeps his promises Numbers 23:19. He also knows what is not His responsibility. He is not responsible for evil Job 34:10, confusion 1 Corinthians 14:33, or temptation James 1:13

We also are to take responsibility over our lives by setting boundaries to, for example, guard our hearts Proverbs 4:23, take up our crosses Luke 9:23, be good stewards Matthew 25:14-30, and grow the fruit of the spirit Galatians 5:22-23

Boundaries help us know our responsibilities to others. We are to love other, but without RESCUING OR ENABLING them Leviticus 19:15; Proverbs 19:19; 2 Thessalonians 3:10. We are to know when to protect ourselves from the sin or immaturity of others Proverbs 22:3; Matthew 7:6 and when to turn the other cheek Matthew 5:39. We are to confront and provide consequences for those who are hurtful or irresponsible Matthew 18:15-17; 1 Corinthians 5:1-5. Boundaries help us to become a conduit for gods truth, justice, and discipline. When clear boundaries are not kept, relationships can deteriorate in destructive ways.

Boundaries Protect Freedom

Boundaries preserve freedom to choose gods paths. We can only truly love God and others when we are free.

God uses boundaries to establish his freedom his independence. No one instructs him Isaiah 40:13-14. He makes choices because he knows they are the right choices. He is free to say no to our requests. 2 Corinthians 12:7-10

Boundaries protect our freedom with other people. We can freely choose to submit our lives to God no matter what others say. Joshua 24:15. We can choose our paths and have personal preferences and opinions. Freedom has consequences, however. We are free to move away from God, as well as toward him. Boundaries give us freedom, but we need to use our freedom to look forward to the path he has for us, instead of back at the old ways.

Developing healthy boundaries

Perhaps we have found that love does not flow freely from us to God or to another person. Perhaps we are taking responsibility for someone else’s feelings. Or we suffer from lack of freedom in our choices- being controlled by our own conflicts or someone else’s manipulation.

Further meditation you can use to study the issue of boundaries

*Become aware of areas of your life that show boundary problems and explore the roots of those conflicts.

*Meet regularly with caring people who will tell the truth, say no, and help you set limits.

*Take ownership of the problem rather than blaming others

* Give and receive forgiveness

*Risk telling the truth to God and to safe people in your life

* Set limits and establish consequences with those who are irresponsible or controlling.

* Learn to give freely to those who legitimately need our help.

God knows these issues and has provided a solution through biblical boundaries. We can take him at his word and begin to develop the ability to form our boundaries and stand firm within them.

Further meditation you can use to study the issue of boundaries

Exodus 18:13-24

Proverbs 10:18

Matthew 5:37; 18:15-20

2 Corinthians 9:6-7

Galatians 5:1-23; 6:1-73

Ephesians 4:25